A thing I did.  Because.

I know, I know.  Another artist whining about their lack of motivation and issues with confidence and depression.  But this was important to me to do for really one reason alone; to DO it.

You see, one of the things I’ve struggled with is finishing things.  Like many creatives, what’s exciting is the initial creation…the spark of the idea…coming up with something new and cool.  But where the struggle comes is actually doing the work.  Because very quickly, fear moves in. The questions start. “Is this good? Is there an audience? Could I market/sell/publish this? Will anyone read it? It’s contrived, isn’t it? It’s been done, hasn’t it? Why am I trying? This idea sucks.”   And soon, you’re questioning every decision you’ve ever made and wish you just had a rich family so you could lead one of those meaningless lives where you didn’t have to be challenged by anything.

I started this one night, feeling particularly useless, with the drawing of me and the demon coming out.  Sort of a one-off drawing idea I thought about putting up on Facebook or something.  A “statement cartoon” about the inner demons we face in our lives.  But…it felt like there was more here.  A 4-panel comic?  What would I do with that? Could I post it somewhere? Would anyone read it? What would be the….

And that’s when it hit me.

I had to do this.  And I had to do it for as long as it would take.  And I didn’t care if it was 2 panels, 10 panels, 50 panels.  I didn’t care who read it. It didn’t matter. THAT was the point. To DO the thing. To create the thing.  To not give a shit about the audience, the medium, the potential…just to do it.  All my years in graphic arts and following cartoonists careers and giving my own career a shot has led me to over-think so many things.  Market, potential, syndication, webcomics…whatever.  Always the market. Always.  And what did it lead to? Me not creating or writing anything.  I knew I had to finish this thing even if I never posted it once, anywhere.  It was important to ME.

Of course you have to consider your market if you’re creating something you hope will be mass consumed.  Of course you have to weigh the options and think about the potential.  You know what else you have to do?  Actually create things.

So…here it is.  Some personal stuff in here…nothing crazy.  Nothing every artist doesn’t see every day.  Some more than others.  I’m sure some accountants, lawyers and plumbers have, too.  Sometimes you just have to take the demons by the hand, put them somewhere, and just get back to work.  They’ll always be there, but they don’t have to take over the place, either.